Why Does God Allow Evil? An alchemical reflection written on the anniversary of a much-needed d34th.

I'm writing this article on June 6th. Exactly one year ago, I died.

Not in an epic way, nor particularly heroically. It was an inglorious battle, the kind no one recounts around the fire with pride. A silent arrogance — the kind that survives in the shadows of consciousness for years, feeding on small certainties and comfortable theories — became my executioner. And there I perished under the claws of the Black Wolf: my own Ego.

Today I immensely honor that moment. I call it my first great death.

After it, other deaths came — some small, some subtle, all necessary — until the most recent moment, where I simply realized it was time to lie down and accept my own funeral.

Don't read this as something funereal or frightening. On the contrary. 💜

At that moment, a year ago, it was indeed a complex process of pain and suffering. I was in the deep darkness — in the dark night of the soul. There was nowhere to run, no one to turn to. It was just me and absolute darkness. A darkness so perfect and complete that not even shadows were visible. And there I sat. And, like a good stubborn Taurus, I didn't give up.

I resorted to what I had at hand: if I dug that well alone, then I would also build the steps to get out. I took responsibility.

NLP, Hermeticism and the teachings of Christ himself were my only tools at hand.

I recognize today that that moment was the most special and important in this human story. Without it, I wouldn't have become an eyewitness to miracles — or perhaps become the miracle itself, discovered the secret of turning water into wine or walking on water. It all began there, when I received my first "biblical insight" — as I nicknamed the moments that became common, when I spontaneously recall a biblical passage I had never read or explored before: a spontaneous thought that came from within. Lying there with “nothing,” I heard within myself: “the story of Job.”

There I began the search that led me to understand the true meaning of the dark night of the soul. I encountered Nigredo. And that soul, corrupted by ego, which suffered a sad and painful death, gave way to the Modern Alchemist who speaks to you today.

Be careful what you wish for… because it will become reality, one way or another.

A little over three years ago, I became interested in Alchemy. I started with the basics of universal laws and dedicated myself to discovering its mysteries, the hidden, the truth about the Universe.

I didn't know that to do so I would have to go through death. Once, twice, ten times, as many times as necessary.

Solve et Coagula. Dissolving, contracting, expanding.

Again and again.

And then, recently, I found myself accessing yet another universal knowledge. Taking advantage of this anniversary — more of life than of death — I decided to bring up, as a reflective theme and a lesson in self-mastery, the question that many have asked themselves, but few have stopped to truly answer:

🥀 Why Does God Allow Evil?

To arrive at this answer, we first need to reflect on a smaller, yet more honest question:

Why do we punish ourselves?

The Evil We Do to Ourselves — Without Realizing It

Observe human beings in their daily lives.

They know they need to sleep, but they spend another hour staring at a screen. They feel thirsty, but they postpone drinking water. They are hungry, but they skip meals because they are "too busy" — or they settle for a quick, greasy meal. They carry weight incorrectly and slowly damage their backs, one careless movement at a time. They ignore the sign of pain in their knee until walking becomes torture. They postpone the doctor, the difficult conversation, the rest, the tears that needed to come out...

These are small acts — insignificant in isolation, devastating when accumulated.

And the most curious thing: none of them are born from malice. They are automatisms. Patterns. A dormant consciousness operating in survival mode while life passes by.

Now scale that up. Take it to relationships sabotaged before they become true love. To dreams abandoned just before realization. To the internal war that rages every time someone decides they are not enough. To the deepest cases — where a person completely shuts down, locks themselves in bed, and believes, with absolute conviction, that there is no way out.

The question remains the same: why do we harm ourselves?

And the answer, when it finally reveals itself, changes everything.

🌱 The Force that Contains and the Force that Creates.

I learned from Dion Fortune — a few weeks after the first great death — while studying The Cosmic Doctrine, that there are two fundamental forces in creation. One always tends toward stability — toward silence, toward absolute peace, toward containment. The other is creative and expansive — never ceasing to create, to grow, to move in all directions.

Neither is evil. Each is necessary for the other to exist harmoniously. The force of containment, without its creative opposite, would tend to dissolve all creation back into the void of absolute silence. The creative force, without containment, would completely lose control — creation would continue infinitely, without limits, without form, without purpose.

One stabilizes the other. One allows the other to exist.

That's how my Ego was acting: containing me with all its might, because for it, if I continued to expand infinitely, I would be a threat to myself. The problem wasn't the restraint itself — it was that I had allowed myself to become completely paralyzed. I left the harmonious dance between creating and pausing, and went to the absolute polarity of paralysis, after months of rigidly forcing myself, bordering on dictatorship, to create and produce non-stop.

Returning to balance required an absurd amount of strength — because I had strayed too far from the creative pole. But it was possible. Because I found all the strength of the Universe within me. A spark was all it took, and the ascension began.

💔 The Nature of the Source — and what It Teaches Us about Evil.

Christ's Letter 1 is direct about the nature of the Creative Source.

It describes nine characteristics: growth, nourishment, healing, protection, satisfaction of needs, work, survival, rhythm, law and order.

All creative. All expansive. All geared towards the flourishing of life.

And then comes the insight that completely changes the question:

There is no "God" separate from His creation.

Letter 1 makes this clear when it describes what Jesus understood in the desert: "I understood that LIFE and CONSCIOUSNESS were one and the same thing... Consciousness was Life and Life was Consciousness." There is no external creator observing from afar, distributing rewards and punishments. There is a Creative Consciousness that is creation — that lives in every leaf, in every insect, in every human being.

This transforms the question "why does God allow evil?" into something entirely different.

If there is no separation between the Creator and the created, when a child suffers, it is the Creative Source itself that suffers. When an animal perishes, it is the animal that perishes. And when we sabotage ourselves — when we don't sleep, when we don't eat, when we stay in bed believing there is no way out — we ourselves, direct expressions of this Consciousness, are raising barriers between ourselves and the Creative Father — the All is doing everything to itself, just as we are.

"There is no punishment from above! Man, through the voluntary and harmful exercise of the 'Power of the Ego,' has attracted his own punishment to himself."

So the real question was never "why does God allow evil?"

The real question is: why do we need to go through pain to learn? Why do this to ourselves?

I would like to come here and give a perfect and complete answer, but my new life has brought the lesson that I don't know everything. And that's a good thing!

But I do have some suppositions: Nigredo, the dissolution phase, is necessary for the beginning of a great divine Work, which will cause everything that was "sick" to be separated from the raw material that will be used to create something marvelous — metaphorically symbolized by Alchemical Gold.

Thinking this way, all the "evil" and "destruction" we see around the world is nothing more than the Creator himself purging his ills, so that he can return to being whole and "healthy" as a unique and infinite Being.

🦋 Destruction is Not Evil. It's a Stage.

Today I am happy to say that I know absolutely nothing — but that I will dedicate every moment of my existence to learning a little more.

It's an alchemical journey. Nigredo is necessary. Death and destruction are necessary — without them, Albedo, the light of creation, will not shine again.

Rubedo, the complete work, would never be known.

Every "evil" we experience — every fall, every loss, every painful dissolution — is nothing more than a need being fulfilled by the very Nature of the Source. Growth requires that what was old be dissolved. Healing requires that the wound appear. Transformation requires the death of the former form so that the new, complete, and perfect being may emerge.

Solve et Coagula. Dissolve to recompose.

Always in a higher form.

🍁 A Word for the Coming Winter.

I write this on the eve of winter — to remind you that the nights will become longer, that the sun will take a little longer to rise, but that this phase of the cycle is as necessary as spring and summer.

Don't fight the cold and the darkness.

Embrace it. Enjoy all the best that this season has to offer.

Don't judge if your pace has slowed down. It's not the time to create, to take risks, or to compare yourself to what you were doing in previous months.

Now is the time to dissolve everything that no longer serves you. To embrace yourself, gather, and let go — including yourself, if necessary.

And trust: by doing your homework, you will be the miracle yourself next spring. 🌹

And as always, this is my vision.

Don't believe anything I've said here.

Try to think your own thoughts about it and, if possible, go through your own inner transformation. 

Only then will you know the truth. And you will know that you know.

🧙‍♀️ Modern Alchemist — June 6, 2026

👽 WRITTEN BY: Cássia Sena 🛸 AUTHOR'S LINKS: SPACESHIPS | UNIVERSE